Prompt 8: The Month of May.

Here's a list of 40 of the random (and very unimportant) things that happened to me this month!

1) I fell while getting inducted into Mu Alpha Theta (I'm a ninja).
2) I became very, very close to my mother; I realized that she is super awesome and actually extremely similar to me.
3) My brother started living with my dad and I now see him twice a month.
4) I had developed an insane jealously of Solon High School (Strongsville's lacks $ = no mock trial, science olympiad, MUN).
5) I got hired at Applebee's, but they aren't actually called Applebee's.
6) I went to After-prom with someone I'd never met before (and got judged because of that).
7) I talked to some nice girls and some bitchy girls.
8) I've demonstrated my awesome ninja skills by putting stickers on Mike every biology class and stealing his keys without him knowing! >:).
9) I have become increasingly irritated with the people I'm surrounded by.
10) My mom has spoiled me.
11) I've consecutively bombed 3 AP exams (studying = good; I should look into that).
12) A certain someone has been a VERY BAD influence on me; it's extremely obvious, yet I choose to ignore it.
13) My best friends are concerned because of the above statement and again, I'm ignoring them. 14) I have made it my goal to stop swearing! (at least in front of Igor).
15) I fell in love with everything Russian: the language, the accent and the boyss =P.
16) I got my hair cut by the cutest Korean lady ever :D.
17) I discovered that Psychology is a pointless field to go into and instead, I'm now looking into Engineering!
18) As of now, here is my list of potential universities (top picks first): Princeton, MIT, Cornell, University of Michigan, Emory and it's a long shot, but... Oxford! (the one in the UK).
19) I learned that first impressions are all that matter!
20) I visited my Puopuo (mom's mom) and Uncle Michael in WV. My Grandma gave me some of her clothes... and surprisingly, they don't look too bad on me o_O.
21) I got a French mani and pedi with my mommy =)).
22) I realized that although I appreciate how much my friends care about me, I am irritated by their constant lecturing, judging and goody-goodying.
23) I have eaten just to eat and not because I was hungry.
24) I am attempting to figure out my future; lunch with Dr. Ng will hopefully be very enlightening!
25) I have probably around 100 "Official SAT Questions of the Day" sitting in my inbox that I need to get around to.
26) I discovered that it is extremely difficult (although not impossible) to navigate a computer without a mouse.
27) I have epically failed in physics.
28) I lost my planner =(.
29) I watched Dr. Horrible twice! Once during Calc and once during Bio.
30) I found that apparently, my kind extremely terrifies Google.
31) I was extremely frustrated by my lack of being able to succeed at conjuguemos.
32) I've probably lost large amounts of my life to Facebook.
33) I have stayed up too late for my own good.
34) I've done some stupid/bad/reckless things, but my life is NOT spiraling down, thank you very much.
35) I need to audition for CYWS, but I have yet to being practicing my piece.
36) It's bittersweet; more bad than good, but I'm excited that things are going to change.
37) I played volleyball and loved every second! (even when Igor kicked the ball at my face).
38) I uploaded the best of Taylor Swift and Jesse McCartney onto my iTouch!
39) I just had a very tense and awkward encounter with my soon to be ex-stepdad.
40) I'm doing what I want, whether I have to be contriving or not; get out of my business.

May. This has probably been the funnest, most interesting and most drama-filled month I've ever had. I say fun because it was different. Things are going to change... a lot. Change is good, something I always welcome! =). I've got a lot of things going on and I'm super excited. I might be moving out of Strongsville! :D. I also might be hanging out with a certain someone that may or may not be worth my time (I'm okay with that, it's all about carpe diem-ing and just being spontaneous). And finally, I'm going to Europe in t-3 weeks!

40) This is a little rant to a concerned friend: Thanks for being there, but no thanks. Before I go any farther, I just want you to know that I sincerely appreciate your extensive caring for me. Really, I'm lucky to have you, but there's a limit to how much is too much. I know I make stupid mistakes and bad life choices, but that's just me. The decisions I make are my decisions; I shared them with you not because I want you to criticize me, but because I trusted you to just be there to listen. Clearly, I was wrong. I'm sorry all of my issues have to become "moral dilemmas" for you. I'm sorry you have to carry around my burdens and feel guilty if I screw up. But you know what? You don't have to do any of that. You could just mind your own business and be glad I could confide in you. But now I see that not only do you feel the need to be self-righteous despite what I feel, you also find my life as an exciting source of entertainment. So keep your lectures to yourself and let me learn from my mistakes in peace.

Just another day in May, keep on walking your own way.

Prompt 33: What is fear?

I'm afraid of...

1) Death.
2) Losing something precious to me.
3) Forgetting the past.
4) Failure.
5) Not having enough time.
6) Cancer and other fatal chronic illnesses.
7) Getting my heart broken.
8) Disappointing people.
9) Hurting anything that is capable of feeling.
10) Rejection.
11) Ruining things because I wasn't thinking.
12) Getting busted.
13) Being judged, like a book is by it's cover.
14) Missing something important.
15) Pain.
16) Horror movies.
17) Knowing something bad is going to happen and not being able to stop it.
18) Drifting apart.
19) Being forgotten.
20) Not being accepted for who I am.

I'm scared of a lot of things, but death is at the top of my list. I know that eventually, it won't scare me that much, but right now, I'm completely terrified. What happens after you die? Is it just an eternity of black nothingness? Everything else goes on; other people keep living their lives and the world keeps turning, but your life is over. Sure, people will remember. But as time passes, your impact on others will fade and memories of you will be forgotten. One day, no one will know who you were or what you did. It makes each individual life seem very, very insignificant. That's probably what scares me the most... You live your life well, working hard and striving to become a someone in this world, but in the end, it really doesn't matter. You're just another person. And after you die, you're just another tombstone. Scary, isn't it?

Prompt 109: I miss you.

This is actually supposed to be a letter to someone I feel I need to spend more time with, but I feel this way towards a lot of someones, so instead, it's a bunch of little letters all in one =).

Dear Grandparents,
I love you. You two brought me up as a child and I'll never be able to thank you enough for all the love and support you showed me. I miss you with all my heart. I wish China wasn't so far away... I'd come visit you more often. My dad makes me call you every once in a few weeks and I'm sorry I don't talk much. I know that I'm eventually going to come to regret not spending every free moment I had talking to you. Stay strong and healthy for when I visit again (hopefully next summer). Wo ai ni.

Dear Family,
This one is to all my other aunts, uncles, cousins and anyone else I'm related to (and step-relatives too!). It's a bummer none of you live within a 92837 mile radius of me (minus Michael and Puopuo in WV, and Michael's kids in TX). I miss you! You are all wonderful people and I'm lucky to have you as my family =)). Wo ai ni. Ich liebe dich. I love you.

Dear Andrew,
We've known each other for 3 years and have only met twice. I don't understand why you're so in love with me, but thank you for always being there to talk. You're like the big brother I never had :D. Mahal kita.

Dear Kenny,
Haha, I don't even know what to write. We met through a fluke on Neopets and discovered we had a lot in common. What has it been..? A good 5 years, at the least? Although we went through periods of not talking and now we're both too busy to keep in touch, I miss you. I feel like I can talk to you about anything and I love having a best guy friend to confide in. So thanks! After I get out of school, I'm going to make time to visit you up in British Columbia. It'll be the first time we meet! Weird by normal standards, but we're cool =). Wo ai ni.

Dear Brittany,
Good thing we both love mazes, or we would never've become best friends. Even since 5th grade, our friendship hasn't changed a bit, despite the fact that we hardly ever hang out anymore. We need to make time for each other; I miss you! You're the bestest best friend ever. I love you.

Dear Camp Friends and Cruise Friends,
I've been to a lot of camps/cruises. And during those 10 days I spend with people I don't know, I've made the most amazing friends ever. I miss all of you! You guys are smart, sweet, awesome, accepting and definitely know how to party! And I know we're scattered all across the world, but one day, we will have a massive reunion and it will be epic. Sarang hae. Te amo. J'taime. Mahal na mahal kita. Ya tebya lyublyu. I love you.

I really think I'm just having fun flaunting my ability to say "I love you" in many different languages, but forreal... I miss you guys. We're definitely going to hang out sometime soon =)).

Prompt 40: Annoyances.

Here are some things that annoy me, bother me or in any way make me upset, in no particular order:

1) People who don't accept other people for who they are.
2) Not recycling.
3) People who take a long time to do simple tasks.
4) Hurting animals and killing bugs.
5) Know-it-alls.
6) Snobby, arrogant, shallow, ignorant, rude, selfish, obnoxious, egotistic, etc. people... who think they are awesome.
7) Unprovoked unhappiness or pessimism.
8) Writing things in text lingo.
9) Being judgmental, especially when you don't know what you're talking about.
10) Boys being so hard to figure out and boys who like you, not for who you are, but for what you look like.
11) Not straight teeth and unflawless skin.
12) Impoliteness.
13) People who dislike things just because.
14) Things that aren't just the way I like them (little bit OCD right there).
15) Fake girls that cake their face in makeup.
16) People that don't talk or even make an effort to hold a conversation.
17) How unsophisticated the people in modern society are (minus a select few).
18) How 6) is the only sentence to be more than one line.
19) Extreme persistence for not very exciting things.
20) People who don't finish their food.

There are a lot of things that bother me. I know this makes me sound OCD and annoyed really easily, but it's true. For all of them, however, keep in mind that it ultimately depends on the situation. I'm going to go ahead and elaborate on number 17.

Whatever happened to holding open doors, pulling out chairs and other gentleman-like actions? It seems that chivalry is lost these days. I can't help but to wonder... Do guys actually think wearing their pants low and walking with a swag will impress girls? Not all of us are into the egotistical jock type. Hardly any of us think you're immature innuendo is funny. Would it kill you to act like a real man and treat girls like they're meant to be treated? Granted, us girls aren't doing a lot to help... As time goes on, girls are getting trashier and trashier, younger and younger. It's kinda sad.

I have noticed some exceptions though. Generally, I find that most foreigners, namely Europeans and Asians tend to be rather decent. Usually, Asians aren't capable of sexual innuendo or dirty remarks. They certainly don't know how to walk with their pants halfway down. And Europeans. Ahh, they are just wonderful, aren't they? Now, by Europeans, I don't mean the guy who's "a quarter German on their grandpa's side." I mean guys who are either from a European country or are really tight with their native country. Mostly every foreign guy I've met is a gentleman. Maybe it's the way they're brought up? Maybe it's just compared to all the guys here. But some boys could sure learn a thing or two...

Just some food for thought =).

You Learn With Experience.

Dear Me,

Hey, it's me. Well, you, but an older, wiser you. I'm you in six years. Gosh, you're only in fifth grade... Say “hi” to Mrs. Laub for me! Life is pretty complicated; I'm going to give you a few pointers, based on what I've learned.

1) Boys are stupid. It's true! Boys your age are immature, annoying and oblivious to everything. I would say wait til college, but I know it won't happen. You're going to fall in love and get your heart broken, but that's what helps you know what to do the next time around.

2) Your parents are going to get a divorce. I know at your age, you really have no idea what's going on. When I look back 6 years ago, I'm still not sure if I made the right decision or not. I had the power. Mom and Dad asked my opinion... if I wanted them to stay together or not. I made the mistake of being indifferent; I figured if they weren't happy together, why make them stay married? Sometimes I regret that so much - only seeing your dad twice a month and always listening to them bicker about child support isn't fun at all. But on the bright side, they're both remarried to some pretty alright people. You'll learn to like your stepparents; they're not your real parents but, again, it helps you learn.

3) Take a chill pill. As you get older, life will have it's ups and downs. If you can't clear your mind and not stress out, you're screwed. Whenever you find yourself in a bad situation, just relax and think it through. Freaking out will NOT make anything better.

4) School is important! This is a lost cause, but try not to procrastinate. It doesn't help. And please please please study hard. Once you get to junior year, you don't feel like working anymore and that's when your grades are going to slip. Hold yourself together.

5) Manage your time. You're going to suck at time management. It's inevitable. Just try to focus on what you need to do and prioritize. Hard, I know, but at least try.

6) Follow your dreams. It's not to late to NOT be a doctor...

I honestly don't know why I'm writing you this, for it serves no purpose. I can tell you what to do and what not to do all I want, but in the end, it won't matter one bit because you'll still do what you wanna do. That's how people are; they only learn with experience. Although I sometimes regret my past, I'm actually kind of glad things happened the way they did. Your past makes up who you are and defines you as an individual. Just remember to learn from your mistakes, make the best of what you have and seize the day.

Best wishes,
You


P.S. Life was made for living, so live your life to the fullest. Don't take anything for granted, because you never know what you have til it's gone. And most importantly, be yourself. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Life is a Masterpiece.

Many colors are splashed across the canvas of my life. Those colors make up a beautiful painting, embellished with fine details and overflowing with emotion. The darker colors: black, red, green; they represent different forms of hate: malice, anger, envy.

We all feel malice toward at least one person. They could be obnoxious or inappropriate or extremely rude. These people are the ones that you just hate. Whatever it is about them, whether it's a personality flaw or the things they do, you just really, really dislike them. We wish for bad things to happen to them and laugh when something goes wrong for them. Malice is the worst type of hate.

Anger is usually temporary. Most of the time, this kind of hate comes and goes; someone will do something either out of character or not that serious - it will cause you to be upset and hate them, but of course, this hate is not serious. Sometimes, however, their acts may permanently engrave their names under the "hate list." This is the real deal. They did something unforgivable and you're angry. The hate born from anger is the ugliest.

Most people don't recognize envy as a type of hate. Someone has something you don't, looks prettier than you do or is friends with someone you wish would talk to you. You'll be jealous of this person, picking out their flaws and searching for reasons to justify your hate. The target could be a perfectly nice person; the fact that envy was bestowed on human nature let's one person's possibly innocent behavior fuel another person's jealousy. This type of hate is created from inside, doing more harm to the hater than the hated.

The funny thing about hate is that, in most occasions, you won't express it to the public. Hate is discussed in privacy and intimately with the people closest to you. You will go up to a person you hate and pretend that you like them. "OMG you look so pretty today! I love that bracelet!" On the inside, you hate them. It's confusing why people do this; we feel the need to have a superficial, but good, relationship with people, even if we hate them. They're all lies.

There are many types of hate: malice, anger, envy, all splashed across my canvas. There is indeed a flourish of hate in my life. But when you look at the big picture, there are so many other aspects, millions of times as important. Why would you take the time to upset yourself over someone or something that doesn't even deserve a second thought? There might be a flourish of hate on the still-frame of my life, but I can just paint over that whenever I want to. In the grand scheme of things, it's no more than a speck of dark on my vividly colored canvas.

Chinese New Year 2010.

This day is so many things; it is also not so many things.
This day is a day in which you should show your appreciation for your better half, not a day to be fighting over pointless things like "why didn't you call me?" or "how come you're late?" or "what are you doing that for?"
This day is a day to craft a handmade card, not a day to buy from Target an impersonal card with cheesy lines.
This day is a day to spend quality time together, enjoying only the company of one another, not a day to waste money eating out at a fancy restaurant, barely able to differ this special rendezvous from a normal date.
This day is a day to forget and forgive, not a day to hold grudges and bring up issues that stopped being relevant ages ago.
This day is a day to indulge yourselves in store-bought chocolate, because since when is it not a day to do that?
This day is a day to share your feelings, say that you care (and mean it), connect on a whole new level, not a day to keep emotions bottled up, blab out things just to get off the hook, be superficial.
This day is a day to do all the small things, because that's what matters, not a day to present an expensive gift in an attempt to be impressive.
This day is a day to realize "you're incredible," not a day to think "that's all I get?"
This day is about us, not about me.
This day is only once a year, not every day, so make it count.

Blue.

You are a paradox,
bringing us closer together
yet causing us to drift apart.
You give the illusion
that we are connected,
when in reality,
it is all artificial.
You give us two faces:
the one we are in real life
and the one we pretend to be.
You make us feel the need
to share trivial matters
with everyone we know.
You allow us to judge
and be judged,
based on little more
than a false identity.
You keep us in touch
with people we would
otherwise forget.
You help us get to know
persons we would never
talk to under normal circumstances.
You are completely unnecessary,
yet we can't seem to live without you.
You are truly
wonderfully horrible.
You are...

Reality Check.

This classroom is not a classroom, this teacher is not a teacher, these students are not students.

Be optimistic:
What some people would call an ordinary classroom, I call a sanctuary for learning. As I walk through the door, I can just feel the tasty love of intellectual pursuit radiating off of the honors students. We come in day after day feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, and ready to learn. When the door closes on our haven of knowledge, I feel safe and secure; we are protected from the nuisances of the outside world. This teacher is no teacher. She is a brilliant instructor, always able to answer our questions and help us when we are in trouble. Serving as a mentor, she is incredibly generous in dedicating her time and effort to helping us succeed. Finally, we are not students. Eager to soak up all the knowledge we are inundated in, we are learning machines; we are the perfect models for the rest of the world. Every day, we participate in enlightening discussions, we accomplish a multiplicity of challenging tasks and we do it all in a mature, sophisticated way.

Be realistic:
I walk into class half asleep and hardly prepared. This classroom is not a classroom, but a dungeon where we are confined and subjected to the worst torture of all, learning. This teacher is definitely not a teacher; she is a strict dictator, relentless in her orders. "Read this! Answer these questions! Sit in your own seats! GET TO WORK!" I can help but to wonder if that cruel tyrant realizes that the majority of her class has yet to reach full consciousness, let alone that they have the mental capability to be studious and productive in class. People refer to our kind as students; but students we are not. Everyone expects us to be interested in whatever class we're in, to be striving for perfection in every assignment we turn in, to be up late studying so we can ace our tests. This is not the case - we're only human. Us teenagers are in reality lazy procrastinators, barely able to finish our homework in the 5 minutes before class starts. Sure, we're honors students... but that only means we're smart enough to get by winging everything that comes at us.

If you take a deeper look into the student population, you will see that I am correct when I say high school students are the worst kind of people. It may seem that everyone is getting along nicely, but appearances may deceive you. We are judgmental. We are cliquey. We are manipulative. High school students can be divided into numerous groups: the popular kids, the nerds, the jocks, the emos, the quiet people, the obnoxious people, the dimwits, the well-rounded gets-along-with-everyones, the mean ones, the innocent and uncorrupted kids, the band geeks, the orch dorks, the annoying people, the ones that talk to much, the slutty girls, the stuck-up ones and the list goes on. Obviously, there is no written-out list of who is in what group. We categorize everyone else in our minds. Sometimes, stereotypes are accurate. However, judging people before even before you know them is no virtue. Just because he's in an honors class does not mean he's a nerd; just because she's in band doesn't mean she doesn't have a social life; just because she's Asian doesn't mean she can't drive. We are living in a society that jumps to conclusions; high school is where it happens the most. Everyone has someone they hate, whether they have a good reason or not; in most cases, it's based solely off of the instajudge. High school students are capable of so many things. We are good liars, able to embellish any story with the illusion of honesty; we are cunning, able to cover up any action with our child-like innocence; we are fake, acting the way we want to be portrayed while concealing our true selves from others.

Be careful, for everything is not what it seems.

First Blog Ever.

I have been sitting at my computer for the past 2 hours trying to figure out how to unzip a file. I've officially given up and am just going to go ahead and write my first blog ever. That pretty much sums it up.

sajhdsakjhdiaywsliuahrflishdaed.
i got it then i deleted it.
oops!

I figured it out again!

I'm just going to randomly post things here from now on. It'll be like one of those things where everyone will be able to read my innermost thoughts, but they'll be too vague for anyone to know what I'm talking about. Annoying, right?

- drama is overrated. 2/3/10
- that was the most last-minute last-minute thing ever. 2/5/10
- so you're kinda cute <33. 2/10/10
- i suck at not sleeping. 2/16/10 - haha well well... what a pleasant surprise =)). 2/17/10
- fun night; that was awkward, as expected; i know you too well; should i tell you? 2/20/10
- parents out! love visiting old friends. that was wild & ridic <3. 2/21/10
- i don't remember what i was talking about in previous posts... 2/22/10
- it's all about the chase. 3/2/10
- everything will eventually fall into place. 3/8/10
- I GET TO SEE OBAMA TOMORROW! 3/14/10
- my family is dysfunctional. 3/22/10 - spring break soon = a million tests. 3/30/10
- went on an amazing cruise with tons of awesome people and nights <3. 4/10/10
- head over heels! why are you so far awayy? 4/12/10
- things are wonderful now, between my mom and me =)). 4/20/10
- OMGGG i hope this works out! MK <3. 4/30/10
- AP exams wouldn't be hard if i studied. 5/3/10
- tomorrow. tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow. beyond excited :D. 5/6/10
- fun funn. i kinda really like you, like like-like you <3. 5/8/10
- APs are overr. Whatever work ethic i had for the rest of the year = completely nonexistent. 5/10/10
- you guys are REAL mature. 5/15/10
- can i trust you? i don't much like this contriving business, for the record. it's whateverr <3. 5/16/10
- starting to become skeptical. 5/21/10
- i'm sorry, mom; i'm really, really sorry. i wished you were wrong, too. it's okay though, i'll always be here for you, even if he isn't <3.